eudocimus

Just like I stated on my main site, I’m moving to my college dorm in less than a month! Yaaay! I’m so excited and a little scared. I hope I can make some friends in college. It’d be great if I could find a group of friends to hang out with all the time, like I sometimes see in animes. You know, sometimes I wish my life was like an anime. It seems so fun. D:

Moving on, today I was supposed to go to the beach with my friend and a few of his other friends. But stupid me didn’t ask who was going and I was surprised that I was the only girl in a van of liek, seven guys, several of whom I didn’t know very well and several of whom smelled of cigarette smoke (I honestly don’t like hanging around someone who smokes. I hate the smeeeeell!). I felt so left out and so…how should I put it…misplaced? Here I am, a quiet, meek girl who has no social life, sitting in a van full of rowdy guys who would probably forget that I’m even sitting there or even forget of my existence. It was pretty uncomfortable, so before going to the beach, I told my friend to take me back to the house (we were still in town), lying that I wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t want to say, “oh, take me back because I’m uncomfortable with your friends!” That would just be rude and everyone in that car would think I’m stuck up and would hate me. D: I feel kinda bad, but that’s that. I’m not going to sacrifice my day just to feel awkward and miserable the whole time. That sounded pretty harsh, but whatever.

So yeah. No beach. Kinda disappointing, but having yakisoba tonight makes up for that!

Maybe next time I go to the beach, it’ll be with some other people that I can trust and communicate well with. Unfortunately, I’ve yet to find those people. Damn, sometimes it hurts being so lonely and so unsociable. And yet, I find that I’m better off without people. Meh, whatever.

Well, tomorrow I’m going shopping for some jewelry beads! I just love making jewelry now because I can make unique pieces of jewelry. Yaaay! I’ll try selling them, but to be honest, I kinda doubt anyone would buy them. But why not try, right?

For the past few days, there’s been severe storms every single night, which is really annoying, since it interrupts my work. Whenever there’s a bad storm, my dad always wants me to shut down the computer because he’s afraid it’ll get fried by lightning or something. Yes, there a chance, but damn, it doesn’t happen often. D:

Well, yesterday, I experienced driving through a storm at night! I’m eighteen, ready to go off to college in two months, and yet I’ve never driven at night or in a storm. That tells you how deprived and sheltered I am, haha. I can’t even navigate by myself in unknown towns.

Aside from storms, for several months now, I’ve been in an art block. I think it started in March or something when I became obsessed with knitting. It’s been lasting for so long now. I just don’t have the motivation to draw anything, even if I have ideas for a new drawing. Sometimes I wonder if this stage will last forever or something and if I REALLY do want to become an illustrator.

I’m doing a commission for someone (and I’m almost done) and I must say that I’m still not very motivated to draw. Clients get nitpicky of what they want (but hey, it’s their drawing, so I guess the have a right to be, lol) and sometimes I just want to let my creativity run wild. With clients, you can’t do that. It has to be exactly what they want, since they’re the ones forking over the money. I guess that’s the life of an illustrator. Makes me wonder, “Do I really want this to be my career? Do I really want my creativity restricted like this?” People would probably tell me, “Shut up and live with it.”

Maybe I should just restrict what I will actually draw. Since I like surreal mixed with realism, maybe I should only accept commissions like that. I dunno.

Oh yeah, soon I’d better start painting with acrylics and such. I’m always avoiding it because I hate paint, but if I want to become an artist, I have to be fluent in some of the major mediums.